A Letter To My Mother

Hello Mom,

It's me, Salamanca, your daughter. Do you still remember me? That has to be the dumbest question anyone has ever asked. How could you not remember me? I know you do because I surely remember you. I remember you every second of every day. Every single thing I look at, smell, touch, taste, or feel reminds me of you. I miss you, Mom. I know you are searching for something. Yourself, I think. You said that you wanted to find out what you were "really like....before [you were] a wife and a mother..." You want to find out what you are "underneath, where [you are] Chanhassen" (143). I know you probably want everyone to call you that now - Chanhassen, but to me, you're mom, and you always will be.

When are you coming home, Mom? I really feel lost without you. Dad misses you too, I know he does. I see him looking at old albums with your pictures in them. He took me away from home though, so if you do come back to our real home, we won't be there. I think it made him too sad to be in Bybanks, because he thought about you too much. I did too. I want you to come back to us so we move back home and things can be as they were before.

I'm sorry for anything that I did, and I know Dad is sorry too. I don't really believe we could have done anything to make you stay, but if there was anything, I would have done it. Anything. I miss you so much. I miss seeing your pretty smile, and I miss seeing you and Dad hugging and kissing each other. I is picking blackberries with you, and listening to your songs. I don't even know if this will matter to you anymore, but I have to tell you these things.

Mom, have you ever heard the story of Pandora and her box? Did you know that when she opened that box, all of the terrible things in the world were set free. But, do you know what stayed in the box? Hope, Mom. Hope stayed in the box. I have hope, do you? I have faith that you'll come back to me one day, and we will live just as we did before. I can't go on without holding onto my hope. I can't bear the reality that you'll never come back.

Since I started writing this letter, we have returned home, so I feel better now. I feel better because now that I have accepted the truth of the situation, as horrible as it is, I know that you are here. Although, I believe in my heart that no matter where I go, you'll be there. And when I thought I couldn't go on without you, I think I was right. But since now I believe you're always with me, it's okay to feel that way. I know you will not leave again, Mom.

Seeing your grave was proof to me that you will not return to me the way that I had always hoped for. I don't blame you, and I'm not angry with you, Mom. I love you so much and of course, I still miss you. But now I realize that you did come back. When the trees sway n the wind, and I hear a birdsong, I know that's you, Mom. The faith and hope inside me tells me that it's you, and with those little signs, you came back to me. Maybe I can't see you, but I can feel you. I can feel you all around me, Mom. Everyday.

Love,
Your Salamanca Tree